i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
