So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
