He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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