Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
