ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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