Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
