quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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