This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
