I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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