why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
