I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
