I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
