I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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