Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
