So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
