dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
