My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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