If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
