kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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