Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
