38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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