i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
