just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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