i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
cat food counts as protein by the way
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
