Your dad touched me again.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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