can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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