I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i think my cat just said my name.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
