I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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