is your mom at the bar?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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