True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
