i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
