Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
