Banned from zoo.
Again?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
