We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
