If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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