you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
