You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
