Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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