This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
