I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just invented taco cereal.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
