Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
