I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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