I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
