we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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