I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
