You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
