I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
