My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Screwed.edu
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
