I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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