before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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