So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
