the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
